Analyze this...

...in a conversation with Steph this weekend, I bravely admitted that i am a pathological analyst. This has its good points and bad, but in a self analysis, I did something this weekend which confirmed that God loves my strengths and weaknesses.
There was a roach in my bathroom...I'm talking like at least 3 inches. I hate roaches (which is funny because if I had been a foreign Country, this would have been totally different)!!! But I kept the light on and went to get the can of spray. This was at 11:50 p.m. Then I went back and stood there...for an hour. I thought of everyway to get to it...it was on the ledge above my shower in clear sight, mind you. But I thought "ok, If I spray from this angle, it will go to the left. If I come this way it will fly towards me. But I can't just leave it. I can't sleep knowing its running around." There I stood, faced with an insect the size of my finger...I had the tool to kill it...I was in a good position...but I stood there for an hour out of fear. "Fear of what", you may ask? I'm not sure exactly. Fear that it would fly on me and bite me and infect me with its roach venom and I would be immediately paralyzed then it would call its roach friends and they would cover me and and I wouldn't be able to do a thing about it. :)

Please, now that you have a pitiful expression on your face like "Tiffane not only is that sad, but its ridiculous" know that did spray it. I sprayed the crap out of it while saying "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" lol...I'm not even lying.

So it brings me to admittance of this: I am afraid. I'm afraid of losing friends and being alone. I'm afraid of letting people down. I'm afraid of living in Chpley all my life and being the old lady on the corner with the cats (and roaches). But what a means for me to acknowledge my weakness. I don't like losing, I don't like being wrong, I don't like when people watch over my shoulder, I don't like being told what to do. But all of this comes from a fear of being seen as small, insignificant and incompetent. God know this and I think this is why I'm afraid of little things like roaches, so I am constantly reminded that there is nothing I can do on my own. It is only by His strength-which He faithfully gives.

Thank you to all of you who love me inspite of my pride and fear. Especially to Steph who not only listens to my rambling, but usually stays on the phone with me while I kill bugs! :) And to Lauren who got that spider the one time... :) I am blessed to have friends like you.