And All that jazz...

I would like to discuss 2 people who have made my life! Not just my day or a month or my year but they have given me the opportunity to make some unforgettable memories.

First, Ian Devaney....

after fighting over seas for over a year, when he could be thinking about anything and anyone else, he sends me an email with a confirmation for 2 tickets to see Wicked...as in one of the most awesome musicals ever. We are going in March!!! I can't wait

Second, Stephanie Anne Nicole Farrell Stokes The 9th :)...

Just kidding...that could've been us as babies :) You may click on the link of her page to see what she looks like now (sorry Steph I didn't have a pic of you by yourself lol). Anyway, she bought me tickets to see Chicago in April!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just can't tell you how much it means to me to have friends who like and appreciate musical theatre the way I do. Not everyone does and to each his own, but I am SO thankful that each of you thought of me! :)

UPDATE!!

Ok so I am sorry that this has taken me so long. Life has been extremely busy lately. Since only have a computer at work, I can only update my blog here. Unfortunately, I have been working a lot lately, just not at my office.

To fill you all in. I am officially the coordinator of Teens Above the Influence. We are the Department of Health's Abstinence Education Project that covers Holmes, Washington, Jackson, Calhoun and Liberty Counties. Whew! So I am not only teaching 5-day curriculum in 6th and 8th grade, but making 1 time presentations in 7th and 10th grade, purchasing supplies and incentives for our program, going to disease updates so that we stay medically accurate, and program trainings so I know how to do all of the things I've just described. It is hectic and busy and stressful at times, but I LOVE IT!

This past Friday, several of our students were invited to participate in the World AIDS day event at the Capitol in Tallahassee. They performed a skit that I wrote called "I am the Voice". It represents all of those who have tested positive for HIV or know someone who has. I was not able to attend because I was in Tampa w/my fam, but I do have pictures of my students.

I am so blessed to work with the youth that I do. They are powerful and passionate about helping people choose to live life...to not get caught up in things that leave you feeling empty. They inspire me and keep me in check. Can I just say that it is hard to be 22 and abstinent :) But if they can do it, so can I.

Your thoughts?

Dear Blog Reader...
What makes this haircut acceptable? For people who live in 2007? Who have jobs? And some of them have all their teeth? Thats all I really care to say. Please comment. :)

Better than Gonorrhea

Friday night went MUCH better than I expected. The kids were well behaved and we had SO much fun. The parents were pleased and nothing was spilled on the floor :) My favorite part of the night is recorded below. The conversation is between 3 year old Sydney and myself. She is like a Welch's grape juice commercial kid but with a little more twang...SO CUTE!


"Ms. Tiffane, my stomach hurts."

"Well come here Sydney, tell me whats wrong."

"I have to go to the bathroom."

"OK. Do you remember where it is, or do you want me to go with you?"

"Come with me."

The two of us migrate to the bathroom where she proceeds to sit down. I stand by the sink to give her some partial privacy, until her two brothers (ages 7 & 11) come in and sit on the edge of the tub while reciting the movie we just watched. The 3 year old speaks...

"Ms. Tiffane I have diarrhea"

"Oh, ok. Well do you need me to help you wipe?"

"Yeah. I don't wanna get the diarrhea on my hand."

As I help her, she is constantly turning around on the seat to look in the toilet. She finally gets a good look and says

"Yep! Its Diarrhea!"

Between Pizza, Monopoly, (of course) High School Musical, and a little Diarrhea. It was a GREAT night!

P.S. I "teach" kids for the record....turds :) I'll fix my spelling.

Lets Play "How many bills does Tiffane have"

So tonight I have to babysit 3 children...this should not strike fear into a girl who is the oldest of four children, who's mother took care of at least one extra child most of her adolescent life, and who teaches kids on a daily basis. But honestly, its been awhile since I have been soley responsible for someone else's kids.

Did I mention they are my pastor's children? :)

And its not disciplinary issues that I'm worried about. I just think my house is very boring for the average 3, 7 and 11-year old. I don't have any toys or video games. I have uno...but sometimes I don't even want to play that. So I'll just have to pray for the best!

I am leaving work early to disinfect my house with lysol, bake some cookies and cue up High School Musical. If they leave healthy and happy and their faces look 2% better than the ones on the picture, my job is done.

Look foward to an update on Monday!!!!!

"Its Business Time"

For those of you who haven't had the privilege of discovering "Flight of the Conchords" I'm sorry. If you had, the title of this particular post would mean SO much more :)

So the 3 (Steph, L & Me) of us have been friends for quite some time now and since all 3 of us are/were commited to abstinence until marriage we each want the other to have the best "first" experience possible.

In May of 2006, Steph and I successfully made it out to the condo where Chad and Lauren would be spending their first night together as husband and wife. We decked it out in candles and rose petals. Then we hid in the stairwell waiting for them to arrive and periodically checking to be sure the candles didn't burn anything. Affirmative.

So for Steph and Thad (which I hope you readers are realizing that I will have to marry a Tad or Brad to stay within the friendship, so if you know any ?-ad's...send 'em my way) L and I wanted to make it equally special. The night was going well. The reception was fun, the sparklers had been passed out, and that was our cue to dip out. The plan was to leave, grab Steph's truck from the church, get to their house on the beach, turn it into a magical palace of love and get out before they got home! :) The events after leaving the reception went like this:

7:48-L & Tiff Speed

7:59-L & Tiff Speed pass the church on 231 because the power was out for an entire 2 mile stretch.

8:01-L & Tiff turn around and drive 2 mph to find the church in the dark

8:03-Tiff proceeds to jump Steph's truck (which had already expereiced battery trouble that day)

8:05-Crazy men (who were actually from the church) came and "helped" us...with my car history, I could jump a car with my eyes closed, but we appreciated the effort :)

8:12-Steph's car starts so L leaves the light-less parking lot

8:12:32-Steph's car dies and so Tiff calls L and says "turn around"

8:20-L & TIff leave Steph's truck while franctically speeding to get gas so they can get to the beach so Steph and Thad can have sex in a magical love palace.

8:33-L & Tiff stop at a gas station (in their dresses) because they were underneath "E"

8:42-Steph Calls and says "we're here"

8:43-It doens't happen. Us getting there on time, not the sex. The sex happened.

8:45-L & Tiff decide to go to the house anyway to drop off things that Steph needed from out of her car.

9:01-Awkward

So here is a formal apology:

Steph, we're sorry about your car, and sorry that you didn't have a magical love palace, but were are excited that you MADE magical love :)

And Here is a formal warning:

In the case that you and Lauren don't make it on time to decorate wherever I will be having sex for the first time...really, its ok. Don't worry about it. Do not knock. Do not pass go. Do Not collect 200 dollars. Just go home. :)

Analyze this...

...in a conversation with Steph this weekend, I bravely admitted that i am a pathological analyst. This has its good points and bad, but in a self analysis, I did something this weekend which confirmed that God loves my strengths and weaknesses.
There was a roach in my bathroom...I'm talking like at least 3 inches. I hate roaches (which is funny because if I had been a foreign Country, this would have been totally different)!!! But I kept the light on and went to get the can of spray. This was at 11:50 p.m. Then I went back and stood there...for an hour. I thought of everyway to get to it...it was on the ledge above my shower in clear sight, mind you. But I thought "ok, If I spray from this angle, it will go to the left. If I come this way it will fly towards me. But I can't just leave it. I can't sleep knowing its running around." There I stood, faced with an insect the size of my finger...I had the tool to kill it...I was in a good position...but I stood there for an hour out of fear. "Fear of what", you may ask? I'm not sure exactly. Fear that it would fly on me and bite me and infect me with its roach venom and I would be immediately paralyzed then it would call its roach friends and they would cover me and and I wouldn't be able to do a thing about it. :)

Please, now that you have a pitiful expression on your face like "Tiffane not only is that sad, but its ridiculous" know that did spray it. I sprayed the crap out of it while saying "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" lol...I'm not even lying.

So it brings me to admittance of this: I am afraid. I'm afraid of losing friends and being alone. I'm afraid of letting people down. I'm afraid of living in Chpley all my life and being the old lady on the corner with the cats (and roaches). But what a means for me to acknowledge my weakness. I don't like losing, I don't like being wrong, I don't like when people watch over my shoulder, I don't like being told what to do. But all of this comes from a fear of being seen as small, insignificant and incompetent. God know this and I think this is why I'm afraid of little things like roaches, so I am constantly reminded that there is nothing I can do on my own. It is only by His strength-which He faithfully gives.

Thank you to all of you who love me inspite of my pride and fear. Especially to Steph who not only listens to my rambling, but usually stays on the phone with me while I kill bugs! :) And to Lauren who got that spider the one time... :) I am blessed to have friends like you.

BOYS!!!!!!

If you couldn't tell by the many exclamation points...I say this in an unhappy tone. I recently had a boy send me some "dating tips" as a joke. They were funny, but it has inspired me to write a few of my own tips...some funny, some essential for future success with any breathing female. So girls take heart, boys-take notes :)

1. We are emotional. Sorry but it comes with the package...lip gloss, boobs and tears! You gotta take them all. But in an emotional moment try your best not to talk. Just listen. Nine times out of ten, your advice (good or not) will be ignored because she can't hear you through the sobbing. So just wait for the opportune moment...which is probably the next day. :)

2. Its not about the chocolate or the roses its about WHY you give them. Lets say you say something hurtful...roses won't fix that. You can't fix something emotional with something physical. Try an apology...then some chocolate. And if you're dating a girl who is "satisfied" with the material stuff...she must have REALLY great boobs. Find someone who is worth something and dump the current gf

3. God made man and woman to compliment each other not complete each other. Eve came from Adam's rib, but Adam still functioned without it. Too many guys are looking for the "super-nurturer". Ya know, the girl who will "keep him straight"! This is a personal opinion which I will state like a fact : If you can't stay straight on your own, please do NOT bring your baggage to me. :) I'm all about helping someone become the best they can be, but this is not Extreme Makeover: boyfriend edition.

4. We like making out as much as we like cuddling! Its true. I'm tired of guys getting all the credit for the fire in a relationship. Boys-Find yourself a hot mama (the abstinent ones are best) and she'll keep things happy :)

5. Not every girl is the same...I know that seems contradictory to my listing of "girl rules" but its true. So guys, do us each a favor and realize that we may do or say something WAY different from your last girlfriend. Some girls climb trees...some shop...some talk all day...some say very little. Some are man-eaters...some would do just about anything for their guy. It doesn't make one good or bad, right or wrong. Just different.

6. You need us...whether its your mom, your sister, your wife...a crazy grandma...there is some female in your life that you can't do without. That is because we are great cheerleaders. We're motivators. We teach you to be compassionate. We feed you. lol We love deeply. So yeah, we're pretty awesome. BUT we need you too. This is not a "girl power" speech.

I think I may continue this list in the future. It'll be like "word bash" so you can look forward to future editions.

Not to...

..."toot my own horn" "be Debbie downer" "sound jealous or something"! Phrases that we use daily as a preface to the very tone, attitude or characteristic that we are disclaiming. "not to be ugly...but that is ridiculous" :) I myself am guilty of saying things like this.

But why? Could it be we're afraid that those who hear our statement will deem us cocky, pessimistic, or jealous? Apparently not because we make the statement anyway; as if saying "not to be a jerk..." makes you any less of a jerk.

There are times when a statement needs to be said, but it may be taken the wrong way by the recipient or innocent by-listeners. Then comes the greater question "If its the truth, why not say it? Isn't it worse to lie than to have their feelings hurt for awhile?" Great question. I'm not promising that this will be a great answer, but we'll see :)

The missing factor here is not logic, but wisdom. Ethos, Pathos and Logos are wonderful concepts, but when God (not Aristotle) put these into play, He laid wisdom above them all. Wisdom says that your ethos (character) is earned and matures over time. Wisdom says that your Pathos (passion) has guidelines and should be driven by HIS spirit within you. Wisdom says that logos (logic) has its place when it comes with Godly validity. So God's wisdom shapes our words. With wisdom people get to know our character which should show them that we're not a jerk. Wisdom infuses our logic and passion with timing to know whether or not we should open our mouths. Or how to phrase what is coming out of our mouths. :)

This is something I am constantly working on. I have a mouth that is quicker than my wisdom at times....so I pray for the constant reminder that I am only right when I am wise. Speaking the truth does not make me right by God's standards. The devil can quote scripture, but I can ask for God's wisdom to speak his words at moments that can change lives and break spiritual bonds. Not to toot my own horn :)

Word Bash 3: "Conjuction Junction...

...whats your function? Hooking up phrases, words and clauses". I don't know if anyone else was/is a School House Rock fan, but apparently the musical cartoon didn't reach as many lives as hoped for. In a vacuum of irony...I have noticed the very demographic that is charged with inventing the conjunction "y'all" has NO idea how to spell it. Here in Chi-town (that is Chipley) I have seen many a poster claiming that ya'll is an acceptable way to greet someone. The conjunction y'all represents you-all. The apostrophe replaces the "ou" from you. Unless you're from Boston and you say things like "ya ma", there is no need to put the apostrophe anywhere other than where it is supposed to be. Y'all got it?

For every piece of me that wants you...

...another piece backs away. Its a James Morrison song. I would like to address choices. I've come to realize that when people say "life is all about choices" its true. Whether you choose to believe it or not. :) Yes there is a God with a perfect, eternal plan. There is also a Devil who wants nothing more than to sabotage that plan. But there are 2 other elements we often overlook (sometimes intentionally). There is life and there is us. God says "witness to your friend". The devil says "leave her alone she'll think you're a Jesus Freak". Life says "You're going to see her at school or work every day for the next year". You say "She gets on my nerves".

So many times I get caught up in the different "voices" or opinions I hear. And get frustrated over the fact that they exist...but that doesn't change the fact that they do. So once again I am left with a choice. This brings us to a very important question "why do I choose what I choose?" Is it based on my opinion? On my wisdom? On the truth of the "voice"? Although those are all factors, my choices should be based on my love and commitment to the one who gave me the means to have a choice in the first place. My opinion is fallible (although I don't always think so). My wisdom is lacking and tainted by my determination to do what I want to do. And there is the reality that all 4 influences may hold truth. I need to witness to her. She may think I'm a Jesus freak. I will see her on a regular basis and she gets on my nerves. As a Christian I choose to make Jesus' priorities my priorities. When I accepted Him I died to myself and rejected the Devil so that knocks out 2 voices leaving God and Life. Accepting the fact that All things (including life) were created by Him and for His purposes, God trumps life!

This doesn't necessarily make choosing easier, but it makes the Godly choice clearer. So my advice (in my infinite wisdom lol) is to accept the fact that you will be torn in two. You will mess up. You will make wrong choices. You will have conflicting voices, feelings and opinions. But those are perfect moments to acknowledge and accept God's grace and wisdom. He will give it.

I wish I were still there

Here are some pics from my trip...

Taylor (my musical partner in crime) & Lisan (Our adopted Jamaican child). Things move quickly in their country :)

This is a shot of the North Coast of the Island from Ocho Rios...so beautiful! :)

We ran a week long camp and these girls sat at my dinner table the first night!

The most awesome group...group 4-after our tug-of-war victory during sports day!!

Ja-makin-me-crazy

There will soon be pictures...but for now all I have are stories.
This past week has been one of the most amazing experiences ever. For those of you who don't know, I went to Jamaica for 9 days on a mission trip and I wish I could have stayed longer. We stayed in a small area called Constant Springs its right outside of Kingston. The mission runs a summer camp for kids that live in more rural areas. This year we worked with kids 12 and under. They were awesome. I got to lead praise and worship and they all had so much energy. I loved every minute of it. I know that I want to be used by God like that for the rest of my life. We had about 12 out of the 35 kids commit their lives to Christ and 5 were baptized. You have to have your parents permission to be baptized fyi. I didn't want to leave... hopefully I'll have pics on here by tomorrow, but I just wanted to let you all know where I've been. :)

Rainy Days & Mondays...

...It isn't raining, but it is Monday. And one of 2 isn't half bad :) I just feel like I've been awfully negative in my blogs lately...but I'm happy to report that this weekend was refreshing for me. I have been visiting a new church and it has been wonderful...God always looks out for us. The funniest thing is that I'm like one of 5 black people in the whole congregation so all of the older people go out of their way to welcome me...so funny. One guy said "we are so glad you came, we just want you to feel comfortable and know that there are all kinds of people here..."
"whew! good to know, because I have samepeoplephobia" He meant well! But seriously it has been a great experience.
Other than that things have been wonderful. No complaints. I'm about to eat some cheesecake and that is always good.

Word Bash-Part Deux :)

Oh my friends....living up here in Chipley gives me so much material for this section. There are two words I will be adressing today: Across and Ask. I know these don't seem like words that would challenge the average American, but lets look at the first one shall we...across. PLEASE someone tell me where I can find the word "acrossed" or "acrost" in the dictionary? For those of you who are about to google it, let me save you some trouble-its not a word.
And to all of my peoples livin up in da ghetto...please to not "aks" or "ax" for anything because that is impossible and ridiculous. The three letter word is ASK. I truly hope no one who reads this is offended. I wouldn't want you to throw an aks acrost my head :)

What goes around...

OK so who gets to coordinate a wedding for her X-boyfriend's cousin? I do! Pick me. You know I am seriously thinking about submitting my diary to Steven Speilberg as a potential movie script. My life is insanely ironic. Steph suggested that I name my first child "Irony" or "Ironi"! I don't know, maybe a middle name. :) He (the X) is now married and his wife is pregnant. I'm happy for him and sympathetic for her...! No thats not nice...I'm sure they are happy together in their happy little house in their happy little neighborhood with their happy little marriage and their happy little FETUS!!!!! Sorry... :) I'm not bitter I just don't know if I can handle any more marriages and babies (in that order preferrably). Its getting to the point where my girls who I thought would be the last to get married have suddenly found themselves in serious dating relationships. So I don't know if that puts me behind schedule or way ahead of it. I mean I'm happy where I am, and I KNOW I am way to OCD to have a male living with me and leaving the toilet seat up at the moment. I think its just the fact that everyone is expereincing things that I'm not. That is a little frustrating. Then its worse when the engaged girl says "Oh honey, just trust God. He'll bring you your husband." No offense, but that is like a millionare walking past a beggar and saying "Hey keep up the good work"! Its just not that encouraging. I'm totally happy for all of my married friends, I just wish their lives didn't put pressure on me to be where they are?!? Ya know? Would somebody notify the social police that there is nothing wrong with being almost 22 and single with a good house and job no debt and Jesus?!? Wow...random tangent. I wish I didn't sound so bitter...I'm not, I just wish I had been better prepared for this time in my life. But Jesus knows this and he's got me. I Just have to remind myself of that-every day! :)

Scrumtralescent...

...since this is my blog, I've decided to add an element called "word bash"! Most of you who know me, know that I love words. I like clever words and word games and such...but what I REALLY love is when people use and pronounce words correctly....I HATE when people do not use and pronounce words correctly. I understand that some do it out of ignorance (and I am sorry if I offend you ignorant people) but others do it out of pure laziness...my 2 current frustrations include the words "Alzheimer's" and "supposedly"! PEOPLE...there is NO such disease as OLD TIMERS or ALL TIMERS!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry to burst your bubble Dr. Stupid, but it has always been called Alzheimer's. And...maybe I use a dysfunctional dictionary, but the last time I checked there is no "b" in supposedly. There is no such word as "supposably"!!! That felt really good... :) If any of you fellow bloggers think of any other words, please pass them on. And if you see or hear me use a word incorrectly-please let me know! Supposedly people keep these blogs so they can stay in touch with friends, frankly I use it so that years from now I can remember how I felt...in case I develop Alzheimer's :)

I think I am going to explode...

With excitement! :) My mom and sister are coming in town this weekend for my jewelry party. I haven't seen my mom or Courtney since February so this is long overdue. It is amazing how much easier it is to love your mom from a dsitance lol I mean she is great, but when she turns the vacuum on at 5:45 in the morning because "its better to get chores done early"...but you don't have to be awake until 7:00?? You want to kill someone...namely MOM...and you want to break her accomplice known as the vacuum!!!! But other than that my mom is 4 feet and 11 inches of pure sugar. I love her dearly...my sister is ok! Just kidding! She a smaller version of me, I have to love her! Isn't family the best?

The things I do for you...

In case you haven't heard the story...Stephanie and I hung out on Saturday and went to she and Thad's new house to set up some things. Well Thad, God love him, left us the wrong key. Credit Card...bolt locks! Windows...anti-break-in screens! Chimney...they have no chimney! Drat! So what does Stephanie suggest? Crawling through the doggie- door. She went first and got stuck because her butt is blacker (meaning bigger-not actually black) than mine. So she looks at me like "your turn". She let me stay the night previously so I owed her one. In I crawled, feet first, and I made it through! Its a good thing I haven't had kids yet! :) Sorry I can't get a picture on here. Steph if you've got one, send it to me!

I still won't join myspace!!! :)

"I'm doin this for you" says Andie as she hands the keys to Michelle and proceeds to leave with Ben-not knowing where they are going....and that is what I say-I'm doin this for you Steph and L. We need a better way to keep up with each other and if this is it, then this is it!